My story

David Ong with his wife Happy. Father of 3 children. Senior pastor of an australian church called Church on Higher Ground

‘From Heaven I look upon you I put my smile on your face, from Heaven I reach down to you I put my hand in your hand and I love you so much.’

It was 6 am in a winter morning in 1997 when I suddenly woke up from my sleep lying on my bed and heard these words loud and clear in my mind. I knew straight away that it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me. Tears welled up in my eyes as the love of God enveloped me. Glancing at my dear wife sleeping next to me, I whispered in a small voice and said, ‘Holy Spirit, you are such a wonderful God and thank you for loving me so much.’

Storm Clouds Gathering

The experience in itself would have been wonderful enough. Let’s face it, not very often we are woken up by the voice of God at 6 am in the morning. The incident was especially precious to me given that at that time I was spiritually indifferent to God for over 3 years. During the period not only that I did not want to pray, I only read the Bible occasional when I needed something and I kept away from church altogether. I have lost my first love for Jesus.

My trouble started back in April 1994 when at the age of 40 I suffered from a serious burnt-out. I was working as a pastor in a local church then. Looking back now I should have heeded the early signs and tried some preventive measures before it became unmanageable. The attack came suddenly enough, but the causes to my total collapse in body, soul and mind were brooding below the surface for some time like a volcano waiting to erupt.

When it finally erupted, it hit me so hard that I was paralysed emotionally, mentally, and spiritually within a day. Physically I was feeling extremely tired. Waves of fear, doubt, shame, guilt, anger, bitterness, condemnation, hopelessness, helplessness bombarded me again and again. I could not make decision, could not talk with certainty and could not control my emotions. I cried but I could not pray. I could not concentrate long enough to read a few verses of the Bible.

My dear wife and my three boys prayed hard for me. Family members and my dear mum who was back home and church members prayed and interceded. I believed during a period of six months of my life then I was sustained by the prayers of God’s people. Many things could have gone wrong with me. On one occasion I was so distressed and weak that I collapsed right in the middle of a busy street pathway. For almost six years living with me was like riding an emotional roller coaster and this caused tensions and strained relationships in the family. Through all these, thank God I was making slow but steady progress. Nevertheless the hurts were deep and they were not easily healed. The attack proved nearly fatal to me.

‘If my people’ and ‘Our Father’

I used to ask God how could this happen to me after years of ministry in the church. I believed I had noble motives. As for conscience I have nothing to hide. Yes, I have my weaknesses, but don’t we all have our shortcomings? I was angry with God and with people in general.

It was only later did I realise the mistakes that I made which led me to my dire situation. It took me more than three years to hear God’s voice again after the burnt out and it took another 3 and half years before I was willing to let Him lead the way. All these happened because I had somehow missed God’s will when I was busy doing my things in the ministry. Only recently it dawned on me that the two most quoted Bible verses on prayer were about prayers offered by a people not a person. When the Lord taught the disciples to pray He chose to use the plural terms ‘ Our Father’. When God revealed to King Solomon on the power of prayer He used the plural words ‘If my people who are called by my Name…..’

There I was for over nine years tried to work with all my might in the church with a singular mentality. I was doing all that I could and I was proud to pray ‘My Father who is Heaven…..’ and claimed God’s promises according to ‘If my child who is called by my Name….’

No matter how much I thought I was moving in the anointing and no matter how dedicated I seemed to be, I could not survive the burden trying to do the work designed to be accomplished by a body of people. It was just a matter of time before things went horribly wrong. God is always gracious and He knows how to turn our mourning into dancing. It was through this experience that I learned how to submit to Him without fighting back all the time. In the process of brokenness I could pray ‘your will, not my will be done’ to God with sincerity. The road to my recovery was long, but God was always there. He patiently taught me the truth about letting go of self and letting more of Him into my life. It was a humble lesson for a ‘seasoned’ preacher to learn. Humility is not about seeing how small we are, but it is about seeing how big God is.

Silver Lining

If in every cloud there is a silver lining, then this saying is especially true for those who love God. In my darkest hours for the first three years of my ordeal, I always sensed the power of the prayers that were being offered up on my behalf. The effect of the prayers was like a constant shield of protection and source of encouragement to me.

There were times I got so depressed that I cried and cried in my bed and those were the times my very dear wife prayed her heart out. She would gather the children and prayed it through. She believes firmly that all things are possible for those who pray and God shows us again and again that prayers work. For years our family got used to me leading the pack in spiritual things. It took tremendous courage for my wife to take on the leadership when everything started to collapse around us. Her answer to adversities was very simple. Prayers.

Another silver lining in the midst of my storm cloud was the Word of God. As I said before I did not read the Bible much in those days. However it does not mean that the Word of God has deserted me. In fact the contrary was true. At my lowest point when all hopes in life seemed all but disappeared. Those were the times my inner man would be revived when God brought to my remembrance of His teachings. It was like I had something in my spirit that was indestructible no matter how dark things were around me. The incorruptible Word of God was there to pour in life when death tried to conquer. Through pains and all I experienced the reality of the verse that said, ‘ Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my Word will never pass away.’ And Jesus is right. God’s Word is the source of our life.

It is powerful because at some point in my life I chose to believe in it and hid it in my heart. It came back to me as my best friend when I was most in need. The power of God’s Word is a confirmed spiritual fact as far as I am concerned.

We will not be deserted or lack in life if we choose to believe in it. Time cannot dilute its power, and no forces in the universe can reduce an iota of its life given quality. The Word of God has the power to pierce through dark clouds far more radiant than the mid-day sun. I learned something very precious about the Word during the wilderness period. I found out that God’s Word was powerful to save not because I understood how it worked.

For at least four years, the feeling of being betrayed and abandoned by God and people created a great fear in me of further rejection. This fear caused me to isolate myself from people. My reaction to the situation might be wrong, but I was facing unemployment and financial ruins after seventeen years of active working and preaching life. The first of my three children was preparing for university at the time and that meant more demands on our little financial resources. During the few months of my unemployment, the depression got so bad that at times I thought I was going to lose my sanity. God was watching and I went back to my profession in computing through a word of knowledge from the Holy Spirit to me. However, the battle for me to resume a normal life was almost unbearable. I would come back home from the office totally exhausted. If finance were not an issue, I would have quit my job on the very first day.

It was the Holy Spirit who kept me going in the midst of my despairs and doubts. The Holy Spirit was the one who maintained our relationship in those days. Frankly speaking I was not too interested in spiritual things due to my own hurts and fears. For a period of many years I did not initiate contact with the Spirit of God. But when I was faithless Jesus remained a faithful Friend. He would encourage, comfort, talk and telling me how much He loves me. The friendship with Jesus gave me the third sliver lining amidst the storm clouds.

Jesus never gives up on me and I thank Him for that.

As I look back on the one pair of footprints now, I realise My Jesus carried me through when I was not able to walk on my own. He will never let you go.

Blue Sky

At first it was hard for me to see what was left in my life spiritually, even if I wanted to resume a normal Christian life. Needless to say I was very hesitant in wanting to do anything remotely connected to the ministry or church. God was watching and He knew all that. One day He showed me a powerful truth about the feeding of the five thousands. First He showed me that there were more than thirteen years and eight months in five thousand days. Then he said that the God who fed the five thousands in one day was the same God who could feed one person for five thousand days. He challenged me then to accept Him as the God who was able to look after me for the next thirteen years and eight months. I asked the obvious question to Him. What then after that? I will never forget His answer when He said, ‘twelve baskets full of blessings would be waiting for you.’. He said to me, ‘trust me on this one and you can’t lose.’.

In a few moments of our fellowship together, the Holy Spirit tore apart the dark clouds surrounding me and showed me the blue sky ahead. In a period of seven years He remained the Shepherd of my life, Best Friend in my loneliness, Father to my family, Comforter in my hurts, Provider for all my needs, Lover of soul, Lord of my destiny and so much more. The future is full of challenges but I have a head start of thirteen years and eight months. What lies ahead are twelve baskets full of promises and blessings. Twelve represents the number of completeness in God’s plan for His people such as the twelve tribes of Israel and the twelve disciples.

I am confident that he wants me to fit in as one of the numbers as part of His great people. The Blue Sky of Heaven belongs to a people who dare to take Him as the God of fulfilment for us individually and as a people. Whether it is one or five thousands is not the issue with God. He is able to bless all. The issue remains with us. If we trust Him then we will reign with Him. We must let our hearts be tender and listen carefully to the voice of the Master. We will gaze into the clear blue sky and behold the Glory of the Lord.

Family, Family, Family

My returning to the Master’s call would not be possible without the support of my dear family. God promises to command His blessings when we are dwelling in unity.

There is no better place to start than to begin the work of unity in our own family.

Show me a church filled with hurts and divided families and I will show you a church that is full of disunity and problems. A local church is a collection of families. With united families we have a united church. People who find it hard to submit and agree as a family are unlikely to submit and agree in the context of a church.

This is not a new truth, but a truth that needed to be re-emphasised in these days where family values are being eroded from all corners. God is looking for men that can lead in love and integrity. To have unity one must first have Godly leadership. The leadership in the father provides the reference point where agreement can be made. Without which families will remain fragmented robbing the church the blessings promised by God.

In addition God is after mothers that are willing to pay the price in prayers. Without the guidance of a prayerful mother in a family the wider body of Christ will be powerless to move on in the things of God.

Children need to learn submission and obedience and humility is a rare commodity to be found among our young people nowadays. In order to see God’s glory in our midst we have to see God’s glory first in our individual family.

In the past seven years God has poured down His blessings on my dear wife and the three children. When I was not watching God multiplied our capacity to serve Him many folds by giving diverse gifts to us. In addition He gave us a very special spiritual daughter. Collectively as a family now we can serve Him many times more than before. I am convinced that if we are willing to humble ourselves and commit our families to Him, He will command blessings forever more in the church. His Spirit will sweep through us with His wonderful presence. We will see His glory as we lift Jesus high up in family after family after family…

David Ong,

Perth August 2001