My story

Harriet is an editor of an Australian not-for-profit Christian newspaper (challengenews.online).

My story starts with a dramatic, tragic beginning.

A month after I was born in England, my two-year-old brother drowned in a swimming pool.

My family’s world completely crumbled and my foundational years were marked with grief, fear and despair.

Despite not being people of faith, my parents took strength from each other and chose to create a loving and supportive environment for me and my younger brother and sister.

When I was six, we emigrated to Australia - a new beginning for our family. We were settling into a new normal but I remember my mum was always searching for something. I remember her “activating” crystals that we were forbidden to touch and reading New Age books in an aim to find hope, peace and strength.

When I was 10 I met a girl at school who invited me to her church’s pancake day. I didn’t know much about church, but I knew I loved pancakes, so I was excited to attend.

The following Sunday, the family again offered to take me to church, and it wasn’t long before my brother started coming along too - giving my parents the morning off to have a sleep-in.

At some point my parents decided they should check out this church to make sure my brother and I were being looked after and not being taught things they didn’t agree with. There they met Jesus, and found the hope, strength and peace they were looking for.

Life in my house looked different after that. The crystals and New Age books were gone - my parents knew they had found the truth, they had new strength, and they raised my siblings and me to know and love the Lord.

I put my faith and trust in Jesus around this same time. I was a very diligent child and loved to study my Bible and pray. I have always been bubbly and happy, but I also had a lot of worries, which I poured out to the Lord. I was scared something bad would happen to my siblings, afraid of more tragedy hitting my family. Despite my love for God, I could not seem to get my fears under control and they continued to plague me.

When I was about 17, I had my first panic attack.  It came out of nowhere - my heart was racing, my vision was blurry and my body was shaking.  I felt out of control. This was the start of what would become an almost daily occurrence, and I was soon diagnosed with panic disorder.

I begged the Lord to take away these attacks, to be freed from fear and be able to live a confident, peaceful life.  I wish I could say He took my anxiety in a flash and I was healed.  But my journey was not like that. I continued to battle anxiety. And it was a ‘battle’.

Not long after I married my wonderful husband Josh, I felt caught in an anxiety spiral. I poured my heart out to the Lord and He gave me a picture. I was on a battlefield and I was cowering in fear while the battle raged on around me. I looked around for something to fight with and in front of me was my Bible and my prayer journal. I felt God showed me that I had all I needed to fight the anxiety.

So I continued to fight. I was determined not to let it hold me back and, with God’s strength, I chose to live my life in spite of the attacks, even when my voice shook or my heart raced.

They slowed me down at points, but they didn’t stop me. I worked as a journalist in a busy newsroom. I spent time as a missionary, singing and preaching God’s Word in front of crowds of people. And more recently I have worked as a school chaplain, helping children facing similar battles to what I did. As a child, I didn’t think I’d be able to do any of these things, but in God’s strength I can.

In 2019 I attended a conference that God used to transform my life and prepare me for a big storm that was about to break on our family. At this conference I learned that there is something better than healing and that is God’s presence. Instead of focusing on receiving God’s healing from fear, I started focusing on seeking God’s presence. God’s presence casts out fear and brings peace.

A week after this conference, my generous, loving, godly dad was diagnosed with cancer. He passed away six weeks later. During this time, I cried out for God to heal my dad. Instead, he took him into His presence - the place of ultimate healing.

I now no longer battle panic attacks. There are times I still feel worried or afraid, but I’ve learned where I find peace - in the presence of God. My life is no longer marked by fear, but by God’s peace and joy.